Toni Lynn

After my officer was involved in an officer-involved shooting (OIS), I remember walking into the department, wrapping my arms around him, and whispering words I didn’t even realize would change us:

“You and me, we got this.”

It wasn’t planned. It wasn’t scripted. But in that moment, those six words became a promise—a vow that no matter what lay ahead, we would face it together. They became our anchor.

From that day forward, “you and me, we got this” became more than a saying. It was our reminder that we are a united team through it all—the good, the bad, and the beautiful. It reminded us that storms would come, but together we could weather them. It also became a deeply rooted reminder that connection is essential—that the bond between us is what fortifies our resilience to face whatever lies ahead.

That mantra kept our marriage strong during a season that could have easily unraveled it. Because let’s be honest—trauma, fear, and uncertainty don’t just affect the officer, they ripple through the family. There were days filled with grief, anger, loneliness, fear, confusion, gratitude, and sadness. It was a rollercoaster. But leaning into one another, along with the support of our tribe around us, helped us move through it.

Our tribe mattered just as much as our mantra. We needed people who could carry the weight when it felt too heavy, who weren’t afraid to have hard conversations, who could call us out when we were stuck or being stubborn, and who could hold space for both the pain and the joy.

That experience taught me something I now carry with me everywhere: we can’t wait until crisis hits to start building resilience. It’s important to do the work before the critical incidents of first responder life—or even just the challenges of everyday life—arrive. We have to intentionally build the foundation of our marriages, and we need to build a community around us that can hold us up when we’re too weary to stand on our own.

So while “you and me, we got this” is the saying that carried my husband and me through, I also want to speak it over you, my friends:

You and me, we got this.

You are not alone. Reach out. Build your community. Strengthen your marriage. Do the work now, so that when the storms come—and they will—you’ll have both the bond and the tribe to carry you through.

Because together, we really do got this.

3 Ways to Build Your Foundation Before Crisis Hits

1. Prioritize Connection in the Everyday

Don’t wait until life gets hard to invest in your marriage. Make intentional time now—whether that’s a date night, a simple walk after dinner, or a quiet moment to check in with each other. Small daily connections build trust and intimacy that carry you through the big storms.

2. Build Your Tribe

Surround yourself with people who can show up for you in the hard seasons. Look for friends who can both celebrate your wins and sit with you in the grief. Your tribe should include those who can gently challenge you when needed, and also validate your struggles without judgment.

3. Do the Inner Work Together

Learn healthy ways to communicate, manage stress, and process emotions before you need them. That may look like counseling, reading books on relationships, practicing mindfulness, or attending workshops. Doing the inner work creates resilience so that when life feels heavy, you have tools to lean on—not just raw emotions.