Toni Lynn

Have you ever had one of those moments where you were anxiously awaiting something, counting down the days, making plans, holding your breath, and then, at the very last minute, it was canceled for reasons completely outside your control?
I know I have.

Recently, I was scheduled for cervical disc replacement surgery. It had been on the calendar for months, carefully planned around pre-op appointments, my husband’s work schedule, and my kids’ routines. As the day approached, I was anxious, yes, but also eager. Eager to finally step onto the path toward healing and reclaim the quality of life that chronic pain had slowly taken from me.

Then, the day before surgery, I got the call: an insurance issue had come up, and the procedure would need to be postponed.

In that moment, disappointment hit hard. I felt frustrated, powerless, and stuck, like all the effort I had poured into preparation had suddenly unraveled. But beneath that frustration, there was also something softer: reassurance.
A quiet knowing that maybe this delay was protecting me in some way I couldn’t yet understand. Perhaps I wasn’t meant to be on that operating table just yet.

I’ve always believed that things unfold as they should. That the paths we take, whether straight or winding, lead us to where we are meant to be, the people we are meant to encounter, and the lessons we are meant to learn. I think about this often, even in the small choices: when I decide to take a different route home or leave the house a few minutes earlier or later than planned. I wonder what those tiny shifts are preventing or preparing me for.

Both emotions existed side by side that day: disappointment and reassurance. Two seemingly contradictory truths, each valid and real.
And holding space for both allowed me to find peace in the tension between them.

The truth is, in first responder life, we hold this line often.
Disappointment when the call runs over and plans change.
Reassurance in knowing they are safe and will walk back through the door, even if it’s a little later than expected.

Life invites us to live in these in-between spaces, where disappointment and reassurance intertwine. When we stop resisting the tension and instead sit with it, we find something sacred there: the quiet reminder that both can coexist and that maybe, just maybe, both are leading us somewhere good.

As you read this, I invite you to reflect: when was the last time you felt disappointment and reassurance at the same time? What did that moment reveal to you about trust, timing, or the quiet ways life protects and redirects you? I’d love to hear your story—share it in the comments or send me a message. Let’s remind one another that it’s okay to hold both.