Toni Lynn

I have been reading The Art of Communicating by Thich Nhat Hanh and one line stopped me in my tracks.

“When there is no real communication in the family, both parents and children suffer.”

As a first responder family, those words hit a little too close to home. Lately, things have felt rough in our house, and if I am being completely honest, much of it stems from a lack of effective communication. We have one child in particular who is deeply sensitive to the energy in our home, both spoken and unspoken, and they feel every shift. Without intentional communication, our entire family unit feels the ripple effects.

In this lifestyle, we are constantly navigating what we are carrying and how we are communicating it. Often, the things we carry are heavy. There is no one size fits all formula for talking about hard things with our kids. It is a deeply personal and ever evolving process based on our family’s needs and each child’s capacity to understand.

In our home, nothing is off the table. We have the conversations our kids want and need to have, always in an age appropriate way but with honesty at the core. We answer their questions directly without leaving room for confusion or unnecessary interpretation. Most of the time, this works. Most of the time, we are intentional.

But lately, my husband and I have both been carrying things quietly. Our kids feel it. They are responding to the unspoken tension, the shifts in energy, the emotions we think we are hiding. It has created moments of unease, disconnect, and even chaos.

I have major surgery coming up next week, and with that comes fear, overwhelm, and a lot of emotions I have been internalizing instead of voicing. Because I am not communicating what I am feeling, my family is absorbing it anyway. They just do not know what it is. Those of us who are empaths and highly attuned to others’ energy feel it the most.

Communication in a first responder family is not just important. It is critical. It is the foundation that holds us through long shifts, missed holidays, critical incidents, emotional residue, and the constant undercurrent of uncertainty that comes with this life.

Thich Nhat Hanh’s words reminded me that communication is not just about talking. It is about allowing ourselves to be seen. It is about letting our family into our inner world before the silence becomes heavier than the truth.

Sometimes it is about remembering that even when we think we are protecting our kids or our spouse by carrying things quietly, they feel it anyway.

Open communication will not eliminate the chaos of this lifestyle, but it can soften it. It can reconnect the threads when things feel frayed. It can anchor us back to one another.

For families like ours, that connection is everything.