Toni Lynn

Holidays hit differently in first responder families. Like so many of you, I am moving through this season without my spouse at home, and even though we are used to it, that does not mean it ever feels completely comfortable or normal.

If you are feeling sadness, loneliness, or that familiar ache that shows up when your first responder spouse is out serving and protecting instead of sitting next to you, I want to remind you that it is okay. It is human. It is real. And it deserves to be acknowledged. This is one of the harder parts of the first responder lifestyle, and pretending it does not hurt does not make it easier.

But here is something we often forget. Holidays are flexible. They can be celebrated on different days and shaped in whatever way your family needs. Our kids will not remember that Christmas morning moved around the schedule. They will remember the magic, the laughter, the connection, and the moments that stayed with them. A holiday meal does not need to fall on the traditional date to still be special. Gratitude and togetherness do not follow a calendar.

Tonight, we are not having turkey, but we are making a delicious meal together and soaking up the little bit of time we will have with our officer. We already celebrated with my in-laws earlier this week. Today we are staying cozy, watching movies, and choosing to be thankful for the quiet.

One thing S and I have learned over the years is the importance of finding and creating traditions that matter to us. Not the ones the world expects, but the ones that fit our life, our schedule, and our hearts. Maybe that is celebrating Christmas Eve brunch instead of dinner. Maybe it is a late night drive to look at lights after your responder gets off shift. Maybe it is cooking your holiday meal on a random Tuesday because that is when everyone is home. Traditions do not have to be tied to a date to mean something. They just have to be yours.

If you are navigating a holiday solo, I encourage you to plan ahead for what you will need and to be intentional with the time you do have together. And please take care of yourself. If social media tends to spark loneliness, resentment, or comparison, give yourself permission to stay off it for the day. Plan something that feels nourishing, grounding, or fun so you are not left sitting in the quiet wondering how to fill the time.

The holidays may look different for us, but different does not mean less meaningful. With intention, creativity, and a little grace, they can be full of connection, comfort, and heart no matter what day we celebrate.